R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
