I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
