I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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