the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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