I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
