You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
