he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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