do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
