What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
