The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
