i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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