maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
