I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
