i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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