Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
