Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
