Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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