All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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