She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
