dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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