dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
