Buhtt sex?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
