My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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