I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
