On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
