you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
