I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
there is glitter all over my balls
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
