I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
