i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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