I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
