called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
