White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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