adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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