you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
