i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
