I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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