How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
