yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
