Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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