if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
