I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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