textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's the barista slut.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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