im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
