My hand turned me down
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
