Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My vagina is officially offended.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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