okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
