By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
