at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
