Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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