god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
