so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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