Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
