DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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