i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
