I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
