This dress was meant to end up on your floor
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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