I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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