The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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