I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
