the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
