is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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