just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
