He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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