Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
