Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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