Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
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To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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