How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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