yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
