Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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