I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is wine microwaveable?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
