i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
