please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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