mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
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This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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