I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
