I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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