I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
